How (not) to annoy an introvert.
In this article you will learn about how to annoy most introvert and why you should actually avoid it.
If you really don’t know what an introvert is you should read an article written by Brian Kim. The brief explanation of an introvert is as follows:
Introversion is “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”. Introverts tend to be low-key, deliberate, and relatively passive in social situations. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, drawing, watching movies, and using computers. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, composer, and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though they tend to enjoy interactions with close friends. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement. They are more analytical before speaking.
You should also know that shyness has nothing to do with being an introvert.
Introversion is not the same as shyness. Introverts choose solitary over social activities by preference, whereas shy people avoid social encounters out of fear.
I’m pretty sure you have an idea what an introvert is by now, but there are a few things you should know, especially as an extravert. What is normal for an extrovert can be extremely annoying for or even rude towards an introvert.
- Tell an introvert to be more social.
If you really want to annoy and even alienate your introvert friend or loved one you should force them to be social by telling them that they have to be more social. You should also mention that being social is what is expected of normal people.
Introverts prefer most of the time to stay at home reading a book or creating something than going out with a bunch of people at the pub. It’s not that an introvert doesn’t want to be with you, but more that he/she wants to be by him/herself instead. Introverts “recharge” by being by themselves. - Tell an introvert to talk more.
If you want an introvert to never talk to you again you should let them know that they should talk more and try to include them in every conversation.
Introverts tend to stick to the facts and what is practical. If you ask an introvert how the weather is, you will be either be given a short answer like: “The weather is okay”; or they will give a an explanation you would expect from a meteorologist.
Introverts love talking about their field of interest; but they have no interest in talking about something they have no interest in. When it comes to small talk introverts really don’t see the point of it; as it has no practical use to them. - Don’t let introverts join the conversation.
Keep in mind, it’s you who matters and if you let people speak you have lost! So don’t let any one speak or always interrupt people when speaking; especially if they are introverts. As introverts are really annoyed by this.
Introverts tend to be thinkers and very aware of themselves, therefore they prefer to think before they speak so they can present their view the best way. That is also why most introverts never join a conversation as people who are mostly extroverted tend to speak non-stop and has some strange phobia towards a few seconds silence in a conversation. Extroverts tend to “fight” to get a word in between each other, making introverts see it as a waste of time and effort.
Introvert also dislike being interrupted when they are speaking. As they are thinkers some of what they say is something they have spent some time thinking about, so interrupting them can actually be very rude and hurtful. - Tell an introvert that this is fun.
If you find something very fun you should force an introvert to do it and tell him/her it is fun. And if they ask why it is fun, just let them know it’s fun because you say so and everyone else does it. Introverts hate being forced to do things.
As mentioned, introverts are very aware of who they are and what they like. Telling an introvert that he/she should do this and that because that is expected, normal, nice and such rarely sounds logical to them, and is also a great way to alienate them. Introverts grow up by being told constantly they are strange, not normal, shy, not social and many other negatively loaded words and that they should change; they really don’t need to be told this any more. Telling someone who is actually normal to constantly change is extremely rude and selfish. - Tell an introvert to stop being so honest.
If you want to insult and confuse an introvert you should tell him/her that they should stop being so honest.
Introverts are thinkers and focus on facts. If something is green, it is green; simple as that. It’s not that introverts are selfish or lacking empathy, they look at the world as it is. They tend to be very logical beings and prefer to be honest than lie about something. If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask an introvert for it; because you will for sure get an honest answer. And it’s not our fault you can’t handle it. - Don’t let an introvert read his/her book in peace.
If you see an introvert working on something or reading a book, go bother them as that will really annoy them.
As you read earlier, introverts needs time alone and solitude to “recharge” and to be happy. When they go into that state of mind they should never ever be bothered. There’s nothing more annoying to having to read a sentence 10 times, lose your focus when creating something or just losing focus in general because someone can’t relax their lips for a few minutes. Doing this to an introvert is like getting woken up in the middle of the night when you are sleeping. I’m pretty sure most of you don’t want your sleep to be disturbed. Same goes for an introverts alone time, we don’t want to be bothered. The more you let an introvert be by him/herself, the less they have to take mini breaks and they are more likely to spend time with you. - Let the introvert know what they are doing is a waste of time.
What ever they are doing, reading, creating or what not, let them know that it is a waste of time.
As with most things introverts do, it is very important to them. For the observer it might look strange, but for the introvert it makes perfect sense. Telling them what they are doing is childish and useless is like telling them they have no purpose in life. If what they are doing is not hurting anyone, let them do it. Just because they aren’t out binge drinking doesn’t mean they are not having fun. And what do you know, this might be their break through in life.
If you constantly want to change a person you should consider to end the friendship or relationship. Telling a friend or your loved one that they should do this and that as it is normal is not the right way to let them know you care for them or love them. As mentioned, introverts are told to change their whole life, and someone who is a friend or a significant other should not do such a thing.
Some might say that the biggest weakness for the introvert is that they aren’t so social, but it works out for them. We need people who are intoverted and takes time to think and ponder about things.
Extraverts biggest weakness, which is actually very negative, is that they are unable to accept people who don’t act extraverted – which also creates an unnessacary stigma for them.
I kind of find extraverts a bit funny that way, as some of them tend to constantly claim they are very empathic, they seem to make a great effort to act like they are not.
You would be surprised how many famous people that are introverts. Even I was surprised too read this list.
As an introvert I hope you found this article interesting and helpful (and even funny). Maybe so informative you might pass it on to your fellow extroverts (and introverts).
I also hope the extroverts out there found this article informative and helpful too. If you got insulted by reading this article, I suggest you read it again or have an introvert explain it to you.
Note: I promised that one of the things I would try to get people more aware about this year are introverts. As I’m an introvert I know how it is for most introverts in a world that seems to be run by extroverts.
I feel it is becoming more and more important to let people know how introverts work and we shouldn’t be looked at as freaks. We demand more respect, specially from extroverts. The world seems to becoming more and more anti-introversion, which will alienate a large group of people. Some who might help change the world.
NB: Made a few improvements to the text.
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[...] If you really don’t know what an introvert is you should read an article written by Brian Kim. The brief explanation of an introvert is as follows: Introversion is “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”. Introverts tend to be low-key, deliberate, and relatively passive in social situations. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, drawing, watching movies, and using computers. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, composer, and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though they tend to enjoy interactions with close friends. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement. They are more analytical before speaking. READ MORE [...]
Mr Xen,
This is an extremely insightful article. As a fellow introvert, I can vouch for the accuracy of your list. Quite frankly I’ve encountered nearly every one of these situations ad nauseum.
Unfortunately we are doomed to be annoyed every day by those who can never understand the ways of the introverted.
As for your assertion that extroverts cannot accept introverts:
I absolutely agree with you. Extroverts define themselves by social norms. Anyone who deviates intentionally or otherwise is therefore by definition unacceptable.
I too am attempting to illuminate the true nature of introversion. Please, visit my blog at:
http://introvertchronicle.wordpress.com
I have already put you on my roll.
Thank you for appreciating my article; and confirming the accuracy of it.
I’ve tried numerous times to make extroverts understand introverts, but in the end they seem to forget or ignore what they’ve been taught. In other words, they just fall back to being an extrovert thinking extrovert = normal.
I’ll have a look at your blog and add you to my blog roll too. We introverts need to stick together and spread the word.
Wow, yes indeed it was funny! :) I want to tape it on my office door, so maybe when I’m trying to eat my lunch at my desk and read a good book, I won’t have to EXPLAIN to everyone who has to stop and inquire about it. “Yes I am reading a book.” “No, it’s not because no one wanted to go to lunch with me.” “Yes, I really LIKE reading books. It’s my first choice for a nice break!”
Thanks for this post!
@IntrovertZone:
Thank you for you comment. Glad to see you enjoyed my article. And I’m glad you found it funny. :)
Hi Xen, Once again I found you by googling for thoughts about introversion! I’m writing a post called, “Should introverts ‘force’ themselves to do things with others?” and of course I’m weighing things between indulging our desire to just do what the heck we want vs. trying to show our stuff with people who can help us at work plus not hurting the feelings of friends/family (because otherwise I’d totally skip all weddings). As I always do when I’m procrastinating, I googled it, “should introverts force themselves to go out” and got to this article! I think you should write an ebook and sell it for a million dollars or something. This is a great post you wrote, and I KEEP coming back to it! :)
That’s awesome! Wow! I guess I chose the right words to have it be picked up easily by the search engines.
Thanks for the encouragement! Might consider it actually.
Looking forward to reading that article. :)
How not to annoy an extrovert:
1. Stop saying self-serving crap like “Introverts are thinkers”. This reeks of arrogance, and to those of us extroverts with degrees in philosophy it just sounds idiotic. We may do more thinking out loud, but it’s no less thinking.
2. Stop accusing extroverts of stopping you from talking. Other extroverts aren’t having a problem with this. They know the social norms of how to join the extrovert conversation. You don’t. You can’t put that alone on the shoulders of the majority extroverts.
3. Stop claiming a corner on “truthfulness”. In general extroverts, right or wrong, find ourselves to be much more honest and upfront than introverts who have to frame every statement before they say it. There likely is no superiority on either side in honesty, but claiming it bugs the crap out of the extrovert and only makes you look more arrogant.
4. Stop whining. Seriously. We all have problems, and a lot of times the biggest problem is having to deal with whiny introverts who, much though they will refuse to admit it, talk about themselves all the damn time. Introversion is being centered on the self…and many, you guys write blog after damn blog about it. Once we do get you talking you go on about yourselves and your own damn feelings and you know what, you don’t actually care much about other people so…
5. Please, dear god, stop claiming to be good listeners. This pretending to listen crap bugs extroverts more than you can imagine. Watching someone feign interest when all they really care about is themselves is pain beyond pain.
LM, you are a perfect example of how self-centred some extroverts can be. Again you show that what only matters to you is your own opinion. Bravo!
1. So you know better than Carl Jung? And trying to prove your point by referring to your study in philosophy as it is some kind of proof you are better than me? I know a few people who have studied philosophy and they sadly fall victim to the Dunning-Kruger effect.
2. In other words you are saying that we should stop being who we are and that you are not willing to respect fellow human beings for being different? I would assume someone who have studied philosophy to have some kind of compassion.
3. And this makes you look less arrogant?
4. This is why we are a bit hesitant sometimes around extroverts. Attitudes like you have never help.
5. What you say there can actually be said the same about people like you.
I thank you for your comment, but you sadly don’t help any extroverts case. You just more or less feed the negative stereotype of extroverts, which is very sad.
Have a good one.
Xen,
1. I never said I was using my reference to philosophy to prove superiority. It was only to indicate that extroverts are perfectly capable of thinking about ideas, despite the introvert fantasy that they corner the market there.
2. Please quote what you think I said that translates as “In other words you are saying that we should stop being who we are and that you are not willing to respect fellow human beings for being different”. You can’t just say I said something without reference or evidence.
3. What does this have to do with my level of arrogance? I never claimed that extroverts are less arrogant than introverts — the opposite is the claim of the introvert.
4. Attitudes like mine? I’m responding to your post which I found insulting to extroverts — but you managed to turn it around to being about you.
5. Again, what???? I said several things, please learn to cite a line of reference.
1. If you’re not trying to prove superiority, then what are you trying to prove? I have never said an extrovert is not capable of higher thinking.
2. You say: “Other extroverts aren’t having a problem with this. They know the social norms of how to join the extrovert conversation. You don’t.” Here you clearly imply introverts aren’t capable of following social norm that has been defined by you in this case. How can I not interpret this as you telling introverts to change and that we don’t fit in with you?
3. You say: “In general extroverts, right or wrong, find ourselves to be much more honest and upfront than introverts who have to frame every statement before they say it.” According to whom? How can one not interpret that you are claiming that extroverts are more honest? Claiming something like that, how can that not be arrogant?
4. You say: “Stop whining. Seriously. We all have problems,” Do that mean you “problems” are more important than mine? Do that mean I’m not entitled to express my opinion and share my own experiences and observations?
You know what you tell people who constantly complains about a program on TV? If you hate it that much, change the channel and stop watching it.
5. Everything you wrote the first time in #5. Ironically you claim introverts are selfish, but you seem to be more upset about not getting enough attention. Why do I have to cite a whole paragraf when I clearly addressing it?
You did understand that my #1 was an answer to your first #1? I truly hope you did catch on to that.
I’ve found that you have gone to several other blogs about introverts and you seem to be waging this war against people who are introverts. Just that alone shows what introverts constantly have to put up with. Is someone close to you an introvert and that person have hurt you somehow? Based on how someone writes you can kind of get an inkling why they are writing it. I’m no expert, but based on your pattern, being extremely judgemental and seem to be looking for articles about introverts, you have some kind of personal grudge.
If you want to continue this conversation further I suggest you at least tell me why you have this grudge against introverts.
Repeating that you think we are arrogant, selfish etc is not good enough. It’s kind of like if hurt your knee. Telling someone that you are bleeding and it hurts doesn’t explain why it hurts and is bleeding. Get it? So, if you genuinely want to discuss this, then you have to be honest and tell me why you have this dislike towards introverts.
TELL AN INTROVERT TO TALK MORE is absolutely an annoyance for me. It’s like I want to slap them across the face and tell them than THEY SHOULD LEARN TO KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT MORE.
An introvert here. peace extroverts.
hey im an introvert too. and i think you wrote those responses to LM perfectly. it was really entertaining to read lol.
… and i HATE being told to talk more too. i think i’m definitely going to say this to the next person who criticizes me for being me:
“Telling someone who is actually quiet normal to constantly change is extremely rude”
thanks for posting this! :)
Thanks for your response, Lisa! It is great to know that my fellow introverts appreciate what I have written. :)
Xen –
“So, if you genuinely want to discuss this, then you have to be honest and tell me why you have this dislike towards introverts.”
To make this an ad hominem debate (actually REQUIRE this to be an ad hominem discussion) does not help your case. My personal feelings and characteristics are in no way a part of a fact based discussion, and to attempt to make them so is to attempt to replace logic and evidence with personal feelings and emotion. You should be able to address my points without knowing my (or anyone’s) age, race, religion, beliefs or emotional background. Everyone is going to occasionally slip and make a personality based comment, but to actively require someone to give their background before having a discussion is a sure sign of failure to understand the basic principles of discussion.
LM, If this is a fact based discussion I ask of you to present your sources to your facts, because all I see is your own emotions/feelings and opinions about this subject. Also based on what you have written and in the tone you have written it in, I find it hard not to look at it as ad hominem. Just read what you wrote yourself.
You claim you have a degree in philosophy, then why do you resort to using so many swear words?
I still stand by my assumption, that this is not something you base on facts. By looking at your style of writing it is clear this is written in hate and contempt.
I have a propesition for you.
Let us agree upon that we disagree. Sounds fair?
This is a good blog entry, to be sure.
Some (but not all) extroverts really piss me off when I try to talk to them. I have one friend who will ask me questions and I can tell he’s not even paying attention to my answer. It’s just like he wants to blab for the sake of a conversation. It’s a waste of breath for both of us. Then, the next time I see him, he’ll ask me the same questions again!
Some extroverts are pretty cool people, though. And they are important components of any social group. Some of them are genuine with their interest in people and legitimately care about the conversations they hold.
Thanks for your feedback on my article. Glad that more and more people enjoy this piece.
I have met far too many extroverts who just move their lips just to make sound. Tell them about a feather and they will tell you a story about ten hens; they just talk about anything to keep the conversation going and be in the lime light. It is almost like they are afraid of silence and not being the centre of attention.
I amuse myself now and then to just say random things to see if they pay attention.
That is true, some extroverts are cool and are outgoing because they like to be fun; while others seems to be just annoying and insecure. I think it is the same with introverts; you have those who hate people and give introverts a bad name.
I enjoyed reading that. I particularly agree with #3 and #6. It’s not that I don’t know how to join a conversation, but being interrupted is really annoying and I find it quite rude actually.
In general I have no problem with people being extraverts, they can just be really annoying sometimes. But I have friends and colleauges who are extraverts and I just need a break from them sometimes and we get along fine.
In response to LM, no one is saying that extraverts don’t think. It’s just that they don’t necessarily think before speaking. I found this in another article which I found quite funny.
“We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours.”
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/caring-introvert.htm
Well said, Matt!
I think extraverts and introverts think equally the same. The difference is that Extraverts speak when they think, so they “need to” say a lot; while introverts tend to think twice before they speak, so they filter out and only says what is needed.
Everything in this article is true. The people I’m most comfortable around, and like the best, are the people who just treat me like a normal person, even though I’m an introvert. They let me be quiet when I don’t feel like talking, and they talk to me when I do want to talk. Sadly, I haven’t met too many people like that in the past few years. So many people feel the need to point out to me that I’m quiet (as if I don’t know), and then when I do say something they gasp and sarcastically say “He talks!” Do they really think that kind of behavior makes me WANT to talk to them?
Thank you for enjoying the article.
I am the same and have similar experiences. It really annoys me when people refer to me as quiet and that when I speak I am “normal”. When people do that I either give them the stink eye or just say something rude. When I have explained what an introvert is for the nth time to the same person, my patience wears thin.
Thanks for the article. Very refreshing!! I have actually just been diagnosed by my manager as an introvert. She is on the far end of being an extrovert so during a feedback session she told me that my introversion was something that I needed to overcome. She made me feel like she was a doctor and had just diagnosed me with some kind of disease. She wants me to change and that really, really annoyed me. I am going to post this article at my desk for all too see. I also decided to document my life as an introvert in a coporate setting. I tend to use comedy as it helps the day go by faster and its better to laugh than get mad at them for diagnosing me like I have a disease.
http://introvertedgirl.wordpress.com/
I am glad you liked my article and that you will display it to make a statement.
Regarding your manager, she sounds like someone who shouldn’t be a manager. A manager should be on everyone’s side to promote team work. She has actually made the biggest mistake a manager can make, and that is to not be respected. I have experienced how that can have a really bad effect on a team.
Hopefully everything works out for you.
It is so annoying how introversion is seen as something bad by so many people.
I guess it is a typical human trait. Fear what you do not understand.
I will be looking forward to reading your blog.
Thank you for your insight.
Thank you for posting such an insightful, factual article. I’m also an introvert, but I’m also diagnosed with high-functioning autism, which some introverts can experience. Unfortunately, I live in an extroverted household, and it’s a nightmare. It’s no wonder two of our most common responses are either “Shut up!” or “Leave me alone!” I don’t mean to post those comments to offend anyone, but it’s practically true that forced socialization on us introverts is frustrating. I can actually compare this social pressure to trying to pull a turtle’s shell off. Like it hurts the turtle, social pressure can hurt us. And, if you think about it, the general concept of socializing can be a fickle aspect in our everyday lives.
Thank you for your nice comment. Much appreciated!
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Sometimes we just have to be blunt like that to get some peace and quiet. Especially when you’ve tried to explain why you want and need some time alone for the nth time.
Unfortunately extroverts only look at socialising from their point of view. They don’t understand that it is an individual thing, much like someone’s preference of hot beverage — tea or coffee.
At the end of the day, all we can do is to try to explain our situation and surround ourselves with people who understand us.
Thankyou so much for this article!
I was drowning in confusion today after yet another extraverted friend telling me i was selfish and should change.
Has it ever even crossed an extraverts mind that maybe they have some changing to do as well?!
;-)
Thank you for appreciating what I wrote! :)
Ah yes, if I got a dollar for everytime being told I’m the one who needs to change I would be filthy rich. I sometimes pity extraverts, as they assume they are the only ones who are having fun because they talk on and on and on ad infinitum.
Which is why they seem to sometimes lack empathy. You would hope they would learn tho. Listen to the other person, they might learn something. But sadly, they seem more interested in hearing their own voice.
Now I better understand why I get so annoyed and why I feel tired when people don’t give me time alone between socializing. Thank you.
Funny list. Numbers 3-7 apply to people in general, not just introverts (although I must admit introverts are significantly more likely to be found reading). You may pity extraverts “as they assume they are the only ones who are having fun because they talk…ad infinitum” but I pity anyone who holds such a shallow view of an extravert.
I fully believe introverts should assert themselves because society does lack understanding regarding introversion (compared with extraversion), but I also believe introverts can accomplish this without criticizing extraverts by referring to them as tending to be unmannered, shallow, and self-absorbed.
The thing is, extroverts were the ones who pushed us introverts first. I just pushed back. This is kind of amusing. Introverts tend to also be accused of not liking extroverts, but that is generally due to all the flack we cop from extroverts. If they stopped telling people to be more like them, people wouldn’t be so annoyed by them.
We try, but we still are being told to change.
It can be done, but what about extroverts stops with constantly looking down on introverts? That would be the best start of all.
And I just calls ‘em as I sees ‘em. If it quacks like a duck…
Exactly. Like someone before me said, I want to print this and post it on a wall all over my house.
My mother was the worst extrovert. Well not THE worst but was pretty close.
I would be inside as usual reading books or thinking about certain topics and thinking deeper and deeper about them and -knock knock- a friend was called to come over and hang out with me. My mother would continually force me to hang out with people, claiming it was wrecking for my mind to not socialize. To not talk to people was like doing drugs to her.
When I told my friends (After I got tired of pretending to act like I wanted to hang out) that my mom was forcing me to hang out and that I was too tired they stopped coming when my mom called, my mom learned of this and got in my face. Claiming I was going to fail at school, have no friends, fail at life, fail at a job, not meet a lover, etc etc.
She stopped nagging at me around a year or two ago. I think she either learned that her constant nagging just is never going to work or that she saw a documentary on introverts and extroverts. Whatever it is I am thankful to have time to be by myself, read articles online, and enjoy spending my time the way I want it without her constantly trying to make me seem like I am dysfunctional.
Now boring life-story aside, I love your article because it made me remember ALL the times I would sit there with an expression like :| as my mom would for the 700th time try to change me. It made me laugh and shake my head how, now matter how many times I tried to tell her…she never seemed to get it. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you so much for your reply and taking time to write it. It was a joy to read it!
Your story is the perfect example of why some introverts develop a mistrust with extroverts. The constant attempt to change an introvert and calling that person not normal. But in the end you just have to do it your way and stick to it, just ignore everyone else that tries to change you. It might take time, but when you reach that point, boy it feels good.
Never lose that self-assertive attitude of yours, it will take you far in life.
“Introversion is ‘the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life’”
I hate the preceding sentence. Every article about introverts has a similar sentence and I hate all those sentences too. Neither this article nor any of the others I’ve read drives to the core of what distinguishes introverts from other people. I actually find that this and most other articles flip things right around and call black white and white black.
I am neither wholly nor predominantly concerned with my own mental life. I am absorbed in the world around me. I observe constantly and notice more about the external world than extroverts ever do. Two weeks ago I commented to my (extroverted) friend that his dog was acting abnormal and appeared distressed, a dog he had known 9 years and I only one. He hadn’t noticed anything. A week later his dog was covered in warts and needed to be taken to the vet. Similar things happen with humans too, this is simply the first example that came to mind.
Extroverts are more accurately described as being concerned predominantly with their own mental life. Their observations of the world around them do not extend any further than how the world affects them here and now. If you listen to two extroverts sitting at a table drinking a bottle of wine together, most often they are essentially carrying on two conversations at a time. Each one is speaking about whatever s/he wishes to, hearing what the other person says but not really listening to it, and offering only quick and shallow responses before jumping back onto their own topic of choice. This does not bother them because they don’t want to engage in actual dialogue, they do not wish for feedback on what they are saying, they wish simply voice their opinions.
This is why they are able to maintain so many relationships and why they need to maintain so many relationships and why they are so comfortable in crowds and so uncomfortable alone. Because they get so little out of each relationship they are in and from each person they are in physical proximity to. Even with their loved ones there is affection but little true intimacy on anything other than a physical level. When confronted with a group of ten people in a social situation I am frankly overwhelmed with information. It is simply too much for me to process and I go into the introverts shell.
This makes my life hard on multiple levels. First, I can’t deal with large scale social situations (absolutely enormous crowds like in a stadium or concert are fine because anonymity shields me, it is only the ‘social’ crowds that bother me). Second, it makes things difficult for me with girls not because I am shy or awkward though. In one on one scenarios I am pleasant and charming. Rather the amount of detail I observe and remember about them leads her to always overestimate my affection damning us to always be at different mental points on the relationship curve and eventually provoking me to push her away. And also because in the instances where I do care about her a great deal I am perpetually frustrated by how little detail she retains about me, again provoking me to push her away.
Hopefully maturity and experience will eventual rectify these issues. I would hope to meet a pretty introvert but we are all so busy commenting on blogs, how will we ever meet?
Thank you for your reply. I’ll try to address some of your concerns.
This article was written in pure jest. It was meant to be lighthearted. Nothing that would go deep down to the core of what introversion and extraversion really is. What you might be looking for is a book, preferably written by a psychologist. It was more meant to be something fun that introverts could relate to and have a giggle at.
You are moe concerned about your introspective life, more than you are concerned about your extrospective life. I agree, it is a simple sentence, but it encompasses the understanding that introspection has focus on the inner self, what goes on in your mind. Just because you make a lot of observation, you will in the end, if you are an introvert, process the majority of these impression introspectively.
The reason it sometimes seems like it is black and white can probably be described by reductionism. Sometimes you can’t always look at something from a holistic view point. Sometimes you need to reduce it to each specific thing. This is why some topics within psychology seems to be black and white sometimes.
This is unfortunately a myth that extroverts loves to keep alive about introverts. Are you shy in all situations, then yes, by definition you are shy, but if you avoid social interactions in just certain situations, then it is merely a choice. Not to mention that shyness also is linked with the feeling of stress and anxiety. But introversion and shyness are two completely different things. Kind of like comparing apples and oranges.
Yes, we are kind of a bit occupied without own mental life aren’t we? ;) The key is really not to maybe find that one perfect introvert, but to find someone wo accepts and understands who you are.
Hopefully I’ve answered some of your concerns.
I appreciate the response. I understand the article was not a thesis paper or anything of the sort but neither was it pure jest I think. I was going to respond by saying how else would I process things other than in my mind but I answered by own sarcastic question: with my tongue and jaws, like an extrovert does. Which is why we blame them for speaking without thinking. It’s because speaking is how they think.
Which frankly sounds hopelessly alien to me :).
It’s very alien to me too, and somewhat annoying sometimes. It is always amusing to, in jest, to tell them to use their inner voice. :)
Steven, I think you hit the nail on the head about a LOT of extroverts. I’ve been amazed (disgusted) time and time again by how one extrovert in my family seems to notice nothing if it’s not to do with how her hair looks. She is always “shocked” when something really awful happens like the rapid decline of an older relative or that sort of thing, although anyone with any sensitivity has seen it coming a mile away.
With the girls, I’d say don’t tell them the things you notice about them. :) Don’t even mention that you remember all the things they like or said to you. I hope you meet just the right girl – one who deserves you!
And Dr. W – this is still one of the two very most awesome-est posts about introverts on the whole internet, (the other being written by Hunter Nuttall on his own blog)!
“With the girls, I’d say don’t tell them the things you notice about them.”
Oh but they love it when you notice things about them that are cute/unique/any other positive adjective. It’s when they are wrong. That’s when the ice gets thin.
Yes, we do love it when you notice and remember things. I’ve had much of the same trouble with the boys… =/
You know the sad thing is that about half of the population is actually introverted but people don’t realize it. There is really a continuum of personality types from extremely introverted to extreme extroversion. Extroverted people just have bigger personalities which can influence more moderate introverts to conform as closely as possible to societal pressures to be extroverted. This makes it seem as if introverts are more unusual. Neither personality type is wrong but these pressures can make introverts feel guilty about being that way.
The difference between the two extremes can seem mountainous. An extreme extrovert’s personality could be the size of mount Everest. But, I like to think that the equivalent for an introvert is Hawaii: the biggest mountain on earth, mostly underwater. Only a little breaks the surface, but that little bit gives a glimpse of the depth and magnitude below it.
ENTP BITCHESSS
To other extroverts popping by, this attitude is the sole reason for why some introverts unfortunately have a problem with extroverts. It’s not because you are extroverted, but because some extroverts tends to act like tosspots.
Thank you. I read this right as I got an attack for being introverted. I wasn’t even aware I was introverted until I read this and it made me feel a million times better. At least 4 out of the 7 situations you mentioned happened to me in the past few days.
Sometimes I just want to tell people to leave me alone… but how do you do that without sounding like a total jerk? And I hate to always have to defend myself for minding my own business. As if that is the worst thing I could be doing.
I guess the next thing is to ask for advice on how to be an introvert in a socially graceful way.
Glad that it made you feel better and now know you are aas normal as anyone else. It’s a bit sad, that if you are an introvert you’re rarely considered normal.
That’s the thing. Trying not to be the jerk, but sometimes you just have to with some people. And sometimes you need to explain yourself, again.
You can, but it’s kind of like an individual choice. Because if you always take things with a smile, you will probably end up as a doormat eventually. This is what I do, so if it doesn’t seem to be something you would do, don’t. I’m always nice at first, but after several years being met with ignorance I just decided to be nice to those who are nice to me. If someone I tried to be nice to insulted me, I didn’t give them a second chance at all.
The problem, as I see it, is that first introverts are constantly told to change, mostly by extroverts. Then on top of that we are told to not be rude about it if someone doesn’t unerstand us. So you see, it’s a lose/lose situation, if you decide to go down that road. Put your foot down, if you tried to be nice of course, as a last resort. That is the problem with people who constantly are rude to other people, no one has stood up to them.
I will generally give them a second chance, but never a third. The first time, I’m willing to assume that they were having a bad day or something.
On another note, I think a lot of times the extraverts aren’t trying to be rude. They just have a different understanding of what is considered rude. Normal behavior for an extravert may be considered rude to an introvert, and vice versa. I think many times extraverts have the best of intentions…. Steven mentioned how the extravert method of thinking by speaking seems mindbogglingly foreign to him. I think a lot of what we introverts do has the same effect on them. They have a hard time grasping the possibility that the things they find fun are often our definition of unfun.
As I’m writing this, I keep thinking of more things. I suspect that some extroverts (like LM up there) may think introverts are self-centered because we tend to phrase things in a way starting with “I”. In my mind, that’s me saying what I personally think/feel/have experienced and leaving the other person free to disagree with me or add their own thoughts. I can see how all these “I”s may come off as self-centered, though.
Argh, apparently I misused the blockquote thing >.<
I’ll correct it for you. :)
I find that I physically can not “jump” into a conversation or class debate and often gets points off for it. It befuddles me how others can just pop into a conversation with their own little quip while I stumble to find a pause long enough to speak.
You’re not alone. I grew up with and I am used to people who actually pause between their finishing sentences. People who actually don’t freak out is there is a two-second pause. Personally I just ignore any conversation like that. If people can’t be bothered lettting other people speak without you interrupting them or talking over them, I can’t be arsed to make an effort, because usually these people are too fond of the sound of their own voice.
What I’ve read is extroverts tends to go with the first thought that comes to their mind. Which is kind of amusing sometimes if you pay attention to that, as you will quickly notice they will make guesses, just so they can say something, even if they are wrong. Introverts prefer to give a question a few extra thoughts before answering, so they can give you the best answer possible. It’s not that introverts are snobs, but we apparently prefer we owe someone no answer rather than a wrong answer.
I’ve also noticed that those who actually pause to let you speak actually care about what you are saying. Which is way I avoid chit-chat, or shit-chat as I call it. It has no value to me.
As a textbook introvert, i identified with a lot of what you wrote. Mostly, it is spot on and entertaining too. I completely agree with you on what annoys an introvert and how most people misunderstand us. But the way it is written is far from objective. You obviously think introverts are superior to others. “We are thinkers”, “we are so aware of everything”, “we are always honest”.
I think this could still be a good article if you were a little more objective or less in love with your introvert self. You make us look like jerks.
I have to be honest and say, I’m not a fan of objectivity. I personally want to read or hear the viewpoint and experence of someone, rather than plan old boring objectivity. I agree with HST when he said that ‘objectivity in journalism is a myth’. And I even have more trust in someone who are subjective than objective, because at least with someone who is subjective you know what side that person is on.
Are we superior? Not really, we all have our advantages and disadvantages. I’m just a proud introvert.
Well, we are thinkers, because we are more introspective. And that we are a bit socially awkward sometimes has the side effect of us being a bit more honest than some can handle. This doesn’t have to apply to all introverts, but the type of introvert I am, I can sometimes be a bit too honest.
As I said, I’m just a proud introvert. I find this attitude a bit troubling. We are constantly told to change and that we are not normal, but when extroverts bang their chest no one really stands up and tells them to pipe down. When I finally found out that I’m an introvert and that I’m actually normal like anyone else, I felt I shouldn’t hide that, that I’m proud of who I am. This is why we still get walked on, because even fellow introverts tell those of us who are openly proud to pipe down. This is just me, but I’ve taken enough shit from uneducated extroverts, that if they can’t handle me being proud, fuck them.
Why not tell those extroverts who act like jerks that they are jerks? This always amuses me that when I read introverts complaining about extroverts being rude to them, but in the next sentence they complain about introverts being rude to extroverts.
We are probably different in regards to this, but I’ve reached a point in my life where I have no intentions on being nice, pleasant or respectful towards people who are rude and disrespecting to me. I have one life on this planet and I intend to enjoy it with people that are nice. I’ve tried being nice and making everyone else happy, fuck that shit. I’ve never been bullied, but those who end up being bullied are those who never fight back; and those who get bullied only once are usually those who beat the crap out of the bully.
Don’t get me wrong, I really understand where you are coming from, because I really try to not be mean to someone who obviously aren’t really that bright, but in the end I’ll rather be a jerk than a doormat.
I don’t remember who said it, but I love this quote: “I rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for who I am not.”
Even ask yourself that. How do you want to go through life?
This article was great. Most of it I found to be true and most of it I found really funny :P Good job writing this!
However, what’s up with all of this introverts/extroverts stuff, especially in the comments? Why are you trying to get introverts treated like ‘normal people?’ I saw this on another site…. “Remind yourself it is OK to be introverted.” When was it ever not OK to be introverted? You’re trying to increase awareness and such about being introverted, however I never realised we had to raise awareness of introversion. I think people are pretty well aware of it, and if people label me as a book worm for the rest of my life, oh well.
Glad you like it! Thanks!
You must be very, very lucky to have such an experience. I think this is what most introverts want. To not have to tell themselves they are as normal as anyone else. Most blogs and articles about introverts by introverts tend to touch upon this, the annoyance of being told to act more normal, etc. Most of the time introverts are seen as shy, which is something completely different.
If people were, introverts wouldn’t have to explain themselves.
If I had a dollar… ;)
I’m with you on that, but when you are trying to be a bookworm and constantly get interrupted, it gets a bit annoying.
In certain situations in life, you can live a pretty good introverted life where you can easily avoid uneducated extroverts, but that’s not always the case unfortunately.
Hmm…
Good read! I’ll be sure and show this to any future relationship partners I may have.
“I’m breaking up with you – I can’t be with someone who doesn’t completely and automatically adopt my social life and become BFFs with my entire circle of friends and family.”
“Sorry, I’m dating you, not your entire social network. I want to spend time with YOU, not your 16 friends on some stranger’s couch.”
Great article! Too bad introverts are outnumbered 3 to 1. I choose not to join the extroverts in their bandwagon of chatter and spontaneity–doesn’t mean I can’t, it’s just emotionally and physically exhausting to have to keep up with. It always ends in a lunch time nap, which is no doubt wasting time that I could be accomplishing pressing matters. I find that being in the company of too many extroverts at once is a massive sensory overload that is not well tolerated beyond five minutes.
I had thought for most of my life I was an Extrovert. Now that I have Read this list, I was VERY wrong. I thought because I could be around “new” People and not feeling uncomfortable was my biggest part of why I thought this. I guess because I am not shy and really do not care if someone likes me or not was my miss judgement in the whole “thinking”. I could totally relate to whole list. You are right on target with this explanation. Thank You for sharing this.
Stuff I disagree with in this article
1. I do believe introverts have some responsibility to adapt as well. I’ve read a few articles like this, and they always come across as very whiny, but as an 80% introvert myself, I don’t feel nearly the level of victimization portrayed here. These are all issues I’ve dealt with, but I’ve learned many many coping mechanisms and socially acceptable appeals. My childhood was miserable, but at age 27, I’ve ended up socially graceful enough that I avoid many problems. I do think introverts are expected to adapt disproportionately to the level that extroverts are… the world is skewed in their favor… but not to the extreme that bloggers make it out to be, and you don’t do introverts a service by portraying it as such.
2. I also don’t like when these articles portray introverts as super-logical compared to extroverts. Yes, I would venture to say we are generally wiser, even much wiser, as we are naturally more prone to self-reflection and thinking before acting. That doesn’t have anything to do with being logical or practical or honest, and saying it does only makes us sound pretentious.
3. After reading through your responses to people posting disagreements similar to mine, it looks like you mostly respond by pointing to extroverts and saying “they started it” or “they’re worse”. This is childish and very counter-productive. Even if in jest as an opportunity to blow off steam, I think it’s irresponsible as I know you are aware you’re representing people other than just yourself.
Other than that, I appreciate the article. There definitely needs to be more general awareness of the existence and interactions of introversion and extroversion in society, and want to see more high profile discussion on the subject.
Thanks for your reply. It was interesting to read and I’ll do my best at addressing some of your concerns.
Of course. Like most relationships it should be equal. You give and receive. The thing is tho, we adapt maybe a bit too much sometimes. So when we decide to put the foot down, we get chastised for that too.
Of course it will seem very biased in regards towards introverts. It was written for introverts. Same thing with other topics, sometimes an article about left politics will be very biased towards the left if the main audience is meant to be leftists.
Sometimes you have to provoke to start a debate or make something happen. And sometimes you have to step on some toes to make people change and aware of something.
Like I explained in another comment. It’s not about introverts being good at a certain thing, therefore they are better than everyone else. It’s about highlighting a favourable trait that we master and not being ashamed of it. Also, extroverts tend to be damn proud of being outgoing, so why can’t introverts be damned proud of being thinkers?
Statistically the majority of men are stronger than women, but it doesn’t make men better than women, just different in regards to strength. And the same that feminism had a great positive and important impact on our society. A movement introverts should maybe take inspiration from.
Then how do you suggest I go about it? I should just give in to the peer pressure and change as people around me, majority of them would be extroverts, that they way I am is not normal and I shouldn’t act like that? If you look beyond me defending my hard stance on defending who I am, maybe you should look at all the introverts here who side with me and have had the same experience.
If there is something I’ve learned from personal experience and studying psychology, it is that if you are doing something, by choice or by force, that makes you unhappy, it is detrimental to your mental health. If you do something that is good for your mental health, without have any bad effects on the people around you, there truly exists no reasons for you to stop doing that.
I’ve made the decision to put my foot down and so far it has worked out great for me. And it is something I try to inspire others to do. Yes, we are more quiet and maybe more careful when it comes to being assertive, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t speak up if we feel like we are treated badly.
It’s just that I’ve had a very poor experience with only being nice. To a certain point you kind of have to think like a writer. Someone explained to me once that to be a writer you have to be a bit smug. Because, think about it, who are you to think that what you write should be read by other people? Same thing applies to your personality. It’s not that you should think you are better than anyone, but be a bit smug, be proud of who you are. And if someone tries to trash your personality, tell them to get stuffed.
It’s good to get some constructive criticism, but I’m also glad you enjoyed reading it. But I think we all wish there were more understanding between extroverts and introverts. And this is not just me speaking, but as I’ve heard from other introverts, it gets a bit tiresome to always have to defend your personality.
this is so true.
especially the thing about interrupting while reading a book.
one of my major pet peeves.
I’m proud to be an introvert! I dont think theres anything wrong with trying to figure out how to live with my chemically imbalanced brain, instead of concerning myself with dumb teenagers.
I found this to be a very interesting article to read, even though I would be considered an extrovert. It’s nice to be able to look at both sides of a situation, and see how other people feel, especially if you never knew they felt that way. I consider myself open to new concepts, and willing to listen to other people’s ideas. However, while reading this article and the comments below, I couldn’t help but to be offended by the fact that introverts and extroverts are placed in a category and judged accordingly. Each person is an individual, and you can’t place people in such a general category and assume that they all act the same. I have tendencies of both an extrovert and an introvert. I get irritated if I’m reading a book or just spending time alone, and someone interrupts me. However, in a social situation, I’m right in the middle of the conversation being one of the most talkative people there. If I have tendencies of both parties, then I’m sure there are other people that have tendencies of both and they would probably agree with me. Just because I’m an extrovert doesn’t mean I try to change introverts. If an introvert doesn’t have much to say, I’m not going to prod them into talking if they don’t want to. I respect the fact that they think before they speak, because that is a quality that I would like to try to instill in myself.
Regardless of that, it was a good article and it was eye opening to extroverts that are willing to try to understand introverts.
Thank you for your comment. It was a pleasure to read it.
Introverts and extroverts are put in categories because they do act a bit different, but I totally agree with you when you say “each person is an individual.” Of course, introvert X will probably act different from introvert Y, but they are still introverts. However, I do wish we at the end of the day just saw each other as individuals.
The segregation and bickering happens when someones personality becomes a bit too extreme. You see this in all walks of life. A politician from the left arguing with a politician from the right, a feminist discussing with a male rights activist or when a vegan tries to explain their choice to someone who eats meat.
As a rule of thumb, if some kind of critique doesn’t fit you, then it’s probably not about your behaviour at all. :)
This article seems to treat being an introvert like a syndrome. As though people need to tiptoe around introverts in order not to upset their precious mental state. Everyone’s human, just treat them accordingly and you should be fine. I really don’t think its necessary to write a “how to” guide on the matter. Quit whining.
Being an introvert or an extrovert is not a syndrome, an illness or anything like that. It’s a personality trait, whether you like it or not. And as I’ve stated a few times now, this article was mainly written for introverts, so yes, I admit that it’s biased, but that’s what you get when you write it for a certain audience. Kind of like TV, if you don’t like it, don’t watch it.
It’s also a bit sad you see it as whinging. A bit ironic too. When extroverts talk about who awesome it is being so outgoing everyone cheers, but when introverts talk about how they enjoy being who they are and wish people stop telling them to change, they get chastised for it.
I’m not saying all extroverts are bad, because the missus is an extrovert and we have a great relationship. But not all extroverts treat introverts that well, so we should be allowed to speak up against it. I’ve never been mugged, but it’s wrong of me to assume mugging is a non-issue in society. Try to imagine how it is to have been told almost your whole life you are not normal and that you need to change. If you can’t accept that those who have experienced this want to bring it out to the open in hope to put an end to it, then you are the one whinging here.
Just live by your own words, “everyone’s human, just treat them accordingly and you should be fine.”
This article is true, I hate it when those damned extroverts do all those things!
But seriously, I was doing a research project with an extrovert, and when the profs were asking questions, she would blab anything, beat around the question, invent facts and such. She was stalling, which gave me the time to collect my thoughts and give an accurate answer. I think we can work well together if we respect each other, because we have different strengths.
I’ve experienced that so often. Majority of those who do this wild guessing game to prevent losing face are extroverts. It just boggles my mind. What is so bad with saying you don’t know? Honesty is far better than a lie.
This is so true.
Thanks so much I really found this article helpful, I’m a fellow introvert in a family of extroverts so it can be pretty tough, but this article lays it all out pretty perfectly and I just really appreciated it.
Glad you liked it! Just knowing you’re not alone out there helps a lot I’ve learned.
Hey Xen this was a really cool article, after reading it a couple of times I’m pretty sure all that you said describes me. I am a fellow introvert but seem to have all extrovert friends and it is really annoying to be interrupted all the time when I am trying to put my “2 cents” in I think I might show them this article because then they might understand me better! Thanks for posting this it was great!
THANK YOU!!! we should spread this like the declaration of independence…
Wow.
Lol my aunt told me to read this article as she apparently thought of me (and herself lol). I couldnt help but laugh and nod the whole way through.
Im only 17 soon to be 18 and its nice now to have a proper term alongside my father’s “wolf and sheep” theory. For example… ever notice how when in groups the majority of people become sheep? Its entertaining really. People blend together, panic if they get severed from their “herd” or “clique” and run back in as soon as possible, are easily confused if something requires any sort of thinking beyond “thats a good price or a bad price” ….the list goes on. I tend to think of them as the stereotypical extrovert. A “wolf” on the other hand has no issue just plain thinking for themselves or doesnt mind mulling something over for more than 5 seconds. Anyhow… Just food for thought I guess since I found it interesting when my father pointed it out. Amusing to think how easily humans can be re-classified as animals merely by observing reactions in a mall…
To get to my main point, thanks for posting this; I’ll certainly be sharing it. It was great! :D
Thanks for your comment!
I notice that too often, but yes, it is also too entertaining sometimes.
Like I’m kind of doing now. Just listening to some music and enjoying the calmness of the night.
Glad you liked it! And thanks for sharing it!
If you do find it interesting to kind of study other people, have a read about philosophy and psychology. Both fields are kind of linked, as they in a way question how we behave.
Thanks for the tip :) I may actually take a psycology class as an elective or something of the sort whereas I am actually planning to go into TESL so it may be both handy and fun to, as you said, kind of study on how people react and interact. :D And on the wolf note, I finally got done the design and for my brithday Im getting one as a tattoo lol…
But thanks for replying to my comment. I was not expecting it :)
I try my best to reply to comments by my readers. :)
Great read on this introvert/extravert process. I am an introvert! reading through the blog I can almost pick up where an individual is on Carl Jungs intro/extrovert scale. Very interesting that the author has a Fuck everyone disposition. It’s interesting because I observe the same qualities in myself, I need to know if someone is genuine. Otherwise quite happy finding humor from extraverts and their lifestyles.
This article illustrates a shallow and incomplete understanding of introversion. Its hints and tips might be useful for dealing with introverts who are analytical pragmatists. However, not every intovert is of that ilk.
Introverts get the energy they need to stand up and face the day — that is, to function — from being alone. That’s the most of that. Let’s not confuse introversion with aspects of personality that are separate from introversion.
There are gregarious introverts who quite enjoy being the life of the party … but who require solitude to charge up for the task.
There are introverts who are visionary intuitives who prefer to play with possibility in gray spaces. Not every introvert is a radiaclly honest Dr. Spock whose prefence is for facts and absolutes.
Sure, there are certain personality traits we tend to sterotype as being “introverted” — and for good reason — but they are hardy ALWAYS accurate.
This is not a journal article. Nor is it trying to be one. It is written with a tongue in cheek tone. By an introvert for introverts – amusement. It was really not meant as the all and be all guide about introverts for extroverts.
In other words, Carl Jung was wrong regarding where introverts draw their energy from? Introversion is, according to Jung, a personality trait.
There are quiet extroverts too, but it doesn’t make them less of an extrovert.
Introversion and extroversion are not a black and white personality traits. Look into Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
Personal opinion is also hardy ALWAYS [sic] accurate.
Majority of introverts who has commented here has given it their stamp of approval. Not to mention it is mostly written in jest and I try not to argue against Carl Jung regarding introversion and extroversion as valid personalty traits.
Ever since I was younger, in my mind I always thought of introverts as “purple people” and extroverts as “pink people”. I’m glad to find out there is an actual name for it! I’m an introvert myself, I’m also a synesthite, which explains my associations of people with colors hah.. (both making me super creative) Anyways I just thought I would show my appreciation for this article. =) I’m so happy I’m not the only one, that other people are like this too!
That’d be really cool if there was a whole county or something where only introverts are allowed. I’d like to meet all you (=
Thank you for this article!! It helped me more than you could ever know. I was recently “bullied” by management to attend a luncheon that I have no desire to attend. My lunch hour is my “recharging time” as I work with the public. The idea of having lunch with the people I have to deal with during my “work time” is a horrific thought. Was glad to read this and realize that i’m FAR from being alone in the way I feel.
P.S. – i’m skipping the lunch LOL
Glad you found it helpful! :)
Just had that experience today. Too much people, too much chatter. Sitting at home, enjoying a drink and some music. Bliss!
So yeah I’m introverted and agreed with this article. The only thing was “Tell an Introvert to Stop Being so Honest”. This mentioned that we look at things the way they are. That’s true if you’re a Thinking type. It’s untrue if you’re Feeling type and especially untrue if you’re Feeling and iNtuitive.
Anyway, last night in my dorm I was sleeping really early and at 11:00 some of my friends (extraverts) were pounding on my door and being noisy. I tried to ignore it but they wouldn’t stop so I opened up, all all three of them came into my room which bothered me. I even tried to hint that I didn’t want them here and gave short answers, but they were so pumped up that they couldn’t really listen to what I was saying. I hate when people invade my solitude. Also, I have been told many times that I’m anti-social and need to branch out. People don’t understand when I talk about not liking socializing with big groups of people, because they think that I mean I hate socializing overall. They will never consider reading one of these articles though.
Ah yes, that is true tho. Didn’t think if that when I wrote it, which is a while ago now.
Been there, experienced that. For some extraverts it seems like the world is black or white. Either you like it or you don’t. Nothing in between, etc. Really bugs me.
There’s been a few extraverts on here, but as you can see, most of them didn’t approve of it. Hmm… Wonder why…
I’m sort of introverted…
What I hate is when I have spent many minutes formulating a statement with the utmost precision, then people go and just summarize it very simply, casting me in a negative light.
I say “If I had the choice between this 90 degree weather all year and our current climate [in Maine], I would choose the 90 degree weather all year round”.
My brother will tell people “William wishes that it was 90 degrees all year round!”.
If that’s what I meant, that’s what I would have said. I PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO WHAT I SAY, PEOPLE!!!
It’s as if he doesn’t care that I put effort into communicating myself.
I tend to tell people that: “Listen to what I say, don’t presume what I will say!”
You know what really pisses me off? when some shithead extrovert attempts to decode my thoughts and emotions based on my facial expressions or “body language.” I don’t have body language. My motions are purely functional. You have no idea how many bosses I’ve tried explaining this to (they all think I’m full of shit) but all the rules about making “good character judgments” without actually getting to know someone personally go COMPLETELY out the window when you are dealing with me. I don’t know why people don’t just say what the mean or ask questions instead of making idiotic assumptions… I probably need to see a therapist.
Well said, Steve! No, you don’t need a therapist. You need less idiotic bosses! ;)
Hello, Mr. Xen,
I’m an introvert and I’ve encountered these situations I don’t know how many times. It’s very frustrating. One thing I encounter most often is being bugged while reading a book. I feel like exploding when someone talks and talks while I get distracted and read the same sentence over and over. I tell them straight out that I’m reading and whatever they want can wait until later. That doesn’t always work though. Thanks for the article! I know someone who needs to see it. They refuse to acknowledge that I’m an introvert. It’s so frustrating. :|