.random[oid]archive

If there is one thing most people value is that you are a good listener. You must have X, Y and Z; but on top of that people love it if you are a good listener. Introverts are said to be good listeners, as we prefer to think twice sometimes before we speak. I am one of those who have been told that I am a good listener; given they were being sincere to me.

As an introvert I experience far too many people who really need to be better listeners. Being a good listener is not just about listening to someone when they need to talk, but also know when to not talk back. Sometimes you just have to let people have a monologue with you. Just showing someone you are willing to listen without having to respond can be important to some, as it is a sign that what they said is all that is needed to be said.
In other words, always commenting or correcting people can to a certain extent be seen as very rude if you do it constantly.

I am not all knowing, but I will share some of the things I do to at least try to be a better listener and what you should avoid and why.

• Try to understand if the one speaking to you just wants to tell you something, if they are asking you something or just making conversation.
  This is where many fail. Sometimes people just want you to tell you something and all they want to hear or see is that you heard what they said. Most of the time if they want an answer or make a conversation with you they will be undoubtedly asking you a question at one point. If you seem to be unsure to answer or not, they will not hesitate to ask for your opinion about something.
  A person who only wants you to listen will start with a question and end with a clear statement.
• If you listen to what people say, you might learn something about them.
  One of the reasons introverts tend to know their friends very well is just because they listen to what their friends tell them; which is also why you rarely have to tell an introvert something twice, or they will rudely remind you you have already told them that for the nth time.
  When you become good at listening to people, you will also remember what you have told people.
• A good listener will make people feel important.
  When someone asks your something they do it because they trust you and your knowledge. When someone wants to be the only one speaking, they do it not just because you are a good listener; they do it because how you listen makes them feel unique.
  If a person only wants you to listen, starting a debate or adding to what they said can actually imply you are undermining them. People tend to avoid conversations with those who always feel the need to comment, correct or debate what everyone else is saying.
• Walk 10 miles in someone else’s shoes.
  Try to imagine that you have something very personal you want to say to someone or something you want to tell someone that is very exciting to you; then imagine the person you telling this to is either implying your are wrong, adds to what you said and acts like you should now listen to them or that they start debating with you about what you told them. How do that make you feel?
• If you listen, people will listen to you. If you never listen, no one will ever listen to you.
  It sounds harsh, but it is true. It is very simple. You treat people how you want them to treat you. If you show you are a good listener, people will admire you for that and listen to you. If you do not listen and more or less turn everyone else around you into listeners, people will stop listening to you; even if you speak.

If you ask someone a question or start a conversation/debate with them you are always running the risk that this person might disagree with you. What I try to emphasize on here is when someone just needs to talk to someone and all they want is their acknowledgement that they are listening. It can be anything from something they need to get of their chest or something they just want to share. They not only want your acknowledgement, but they want you to make them feel special; especially if they want to share information with you, even if it is very trivial.

From what I have experienced myself and heard from other introverts, this is something we seem to struggle with almost everyday with extroverts. They seem to love to be in the limelight so much they forget to share it with their fellow introverts; which can be frustrating. We tend to think a lot before we speak, so what we say is very personal to us; the slightest feeling of being undermined is not pleasant at all. It is also something that makes introverts feel that they are constantly in question all the time. The slightest thing they say people tend to think they have to correct, comment or debate what we say.

What I am trying to say is that; not everything you say is important, but when someone listens to you it suddenly is. Just keep in mind, if you never listen to people around you, everything you will say will never be important; until you start to truly listen.