Why am I so honest now?
We have all been told not to unfold everything about our lives online as it might come back to haunt us, as what is published online will most likely stay online, forever. We have also been told stories about those who did not think of the ramifications and sometimes had to pay dearly for being too honest online.
Personally I agree that we are becoming more careless about what we publish online and that in a few decades people might have to look up the word ‘privacy’ to know what it actually means.
So why have I openly told that I smoked weed most of the time when I lived in The Netherlands and telling stories about colleagues taking drugs while at work?
As a writer/blogger it is difficult to deny yourself telling stories you would hope other people would enjoy too. The typical two enemies of writers are, writer’s block and their own harsh critique. There is another enemy that is not mentioned too often, and that is self-censorship.
Between having writer’s block and never being happy with your own writing, I also have to struggle with censoring myself.
I too often ask myself things like:
Am I too honest?
Will someone close to me be offended and misinterpret what I wrote?
How will I be judged for writing this?
What consequences do this story have on my life and my career?
This can sometimes be worse than having writer’s block or/and being too critical of your own work; because censoring yourself too much will actually create a kind of writer’s block and you will end up being too critical of your own work.
Of course, you should always be careful when talking openly about drugs, especially in a society that is very anti-drugs. The irony though that the same society doesn’t mind if you get very drunk from drinking alcohol, as that is normal.
I have two reasons for writing these random stories from my life in The Netherlands. My first reason is that I think they are worth mentioning and can be somewhat amusing to some.
The second reason is; I have reached a point in my life where I am sick of conforming and pleasing everyone around me, and those who read my blog and still want to hire me is the type of employer I want. Those who read my stories and stick their nose up in the air can sod off, because I don’t work for prudish hypocrites.
Yes, I did say hypocrites. I have met so many people that act all high and mighty at work, in regards to sex and drugs; but when the company has a private party, they are the ones you hear about the next day that drank too much alcohol, had sex with the secretary and got hauled away by the cops.
I have no intentions being hired for someone I am not. I want to be a writer, and hopefully I will eventually have my degree in journalism if everything pans out for me. If I wanted to get a job as someone else, I would go to Hollywood in hopes to become an actor.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
- André Gide
I wrote about something similar but from my own situation on my private little blog. How i compartmentalize my life in order to simply function, everyone do it in some way but when you are like me. The compartments are brick walls.
Also wanted to say sorry i didn’t write back on your last mail, my life been so hectic lately i do not know. Everything just got to prioritize.
Problem with being a drug addict i you are labeled druggie for the rest of your life and you do not even need to be an addict to get those labels. I was going to post a longer post about my deep drug addiction and problems and benefits i got from daily doing non-prescription opioids (of most kinds) and benzo for several years. In the world where JohannaXn is wellknown my former drug addiction is so to, not that i told anyone but friends…but friends betray over time. And after that everyone knew.
Because of who i am i have to censor myself and completly divide my lives (if lifes collide like that they usually destroy each other), there are people out there that would eat me up if they could for any little bit info. Heh, and im not kidding.
But my personal blog, thats raw, its my words, my views. And very easy. Nothing intellectual really but written for the people who know me already as JohannaXn.
Jo
I have done something similar, creating small compartments of my life. It is now that I have reached a point in my life I really don’t feel maintaining those compartments. Of course, I will always try to keep my online persona separated from the “meatspace” persona, but even those are starting to slowly merge.
For me is more in the direction of being tired of putting on an act all the time just to make everyone else happy. If some people can’t accept who I am, they can get stuffed.
It is ironic that if you use drugs that are illegal you are seen as a addict, but if you drink alcohol every weekend you are seen as a normal person that has no addictions at all.
It is kind of funny how people open up more and more online, but in the end it is the same old act, so everyone around them can like them and think they are special.
I am done with that.
I have one life and I have no intentions on being someone I am not just to please others.
Thank you for your comment.
I’ll check out your blog later.
I am tired to of compartments but i have to for obvious reasons keep them. My blog tell a lot of me you did not know. Like i have shitty taste in music. ;)
My drug issues are not one that was a secret that why i can talk about them, and i will talk about them of course, when i feel like it.